i haven't had an actual boyfriend since last february.
LAST february.
2007.
17 months.
almost all of my friends have no idea that i would even be interested in a relationship. but honestly, i settle for one night stands and friends with benefits because i don't think anyone is ever going to be interested in me for more than one hour, one date, one week. it's the most vicious circle i can think of, because when you feel like there's nothing out there, you act like you don't care that all your friends have boyfriends and you don't. but when you act like you don't care and slut it up, guys get caught up in wanting to bang you and can't see you as the type of girl that they want to be with... not that they ever saw me that as that type of girl in the first place.
this has led me to a scary and frustrating conclusion:
i am the "just friends" girl.
whether i'm the kind of friend you call when your girlfriend dumps you and you want to whine like a little bitch, or the kind of friend you call when you want to get some ass... i'm still just a friend.
for a while there, i even made MYSELF believe that i chose the physical over the emotional because i didn't want to deal with the complications of a relationship. but fortunately and unfortunately, i've realized that hooking up with guys instead of putting myself out there for something meaningful is a defense mechanism so that i don't look desperate or lonely.
we would be really good for each other.
i don't think you realize that,
but i hope you will soon.
2 comments:
heyyy I've been there and I know exactly how you feel. it's a pretty shitty place to be - the *friend* zone. they don't believe us, but girls end up there, too. I hope you can break your cycle - it's the scariest and best thing you can do.
If what you wrote in your "about me" section is correct, that you are a college freshman in the sunshine state. You need to chillax woman. Seriously, a relationship for you is around every corner and standing next to the keg at every party you are gonna attend for the next lifetime. Your bio clock isn't ticking at all, and you are probably the hottest you are ever going to be for the next 20 years. So stiffen up your upper lip, switch your frame, get to know some people, have fun and a boyfriend will just happen.
Being a slut isn't a defense mechanism as you put it, just remember there are other things to do with a guy than bone. But boning is a lot of fun until you find someone that wants to do whatever the hell people do in the sunshine state.
Post a Comment