Thursday, December 22, 2011

dear chelsea settles,

i am not trying to be a dick,
however:

you deserve your own tv show as much as i deserve to be the next fucking Pope. you're 18, you hate yourself and WHOA! you moved out of your parents' house?! WATCH OUT! we have... every single 18 year old girl, ever.

the fuck is so special about you? the fact that you're obese? nope- that makes you 1 out of every 3 american adults. the fact that you're insecure? homegirl, it's called being a teenager. i cried over my ginger mullet and giant nose for like 12 years. at least you can do something about your issues other than plastic surgery. ohhhh, ok! i got it. it's the fact that you want to work in fashion!!

...just like every other girl who wasn't smart enough for college. did you go to cosmetology school too?

this is harsh, but so is the real world. i understand hating your weight, believe me. but excuse me for being just a liiiiittle bit bitter that, for some reason, being LITERALLY EXACTLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE made you rich and famous.