welp, here's the post i originally started writing like an hour ago. i no longer know whether this weekend was awesome. also i may be having a mental breakdown and really need a glass of wine:
my study abroad program for psych in london is officially pointless because i only have one more psych class to take and it's not offered over there. i have electives out the ass so that option is out. basically my plan now is to finish college, live and die in the same hick ass ridiculous town i was born in 20 years ago, having never been out of the united states except for the 6 minutes i was in canada on a cruise this summer.
this weekend was amazing, though. went out with SH on friday. got tipsy enough to decide for good that bars can be almost exactly paralleled to grasslands populated by starving lions searching for the prettiest/most anorexic buffalo to kill and devour in a single fell swoop. also observed that most guys would rather amputate their fingers one by one with a dull knife than even INTRODUCE THEMSELVES TO ME as they try to maneuver their weiners into SH's practically-married mouth while she continues to talk to them like they actually want to have a conversation.
needless to say i had a few more drinks after those happy realizations. i know it's stupid. i'm committing all of the logical fallacies in my life that i learn not to commit in my research classes. but when every fucking time i go out, i end up chugging my drink and staring at my lap pretending to text while some retarded douchebag tries to get inside of my best friend that ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND instead of even looking at me? it's kind of hard to ignore that.
wow, this doesn't really sound like an amazing weekend at all.
but saturday morning i tailgated with j, his roommates and their miami friends that were in town for the weekend. (have i mentioned that he and i are back together? we are. he makes me happy and i am doner than done with crying myself to sleep like a whiny child every night. probs still going to die alone but at least i don’t have to sleep that way for now.) the tailgate was really fun and we went to half of the game too, which we won. yay college football! then we took a nap (together- cheesy coupley shit is my fav), i went home to shower, went back over and started drinking again, yada yada. soon after, some drunk ass guy who referred to himself only as “Uncle Dave” wandered into their house and insisted that we were way more fun than his niece and her friends, who had already passed out, so he was going to hang out with us.
BIGGEST. DOUCHE. EVER.
j and i were kicking his team's ass at bpong so he started making really lewd gestures (think the most retarded immature frat boy ever) and talking really rude shit TO ME, the only female in the house— i almost punched him. you’re like 45 and completely bald and making vag-licking gestures at a 20 year old girl? re-evaluate that life, bucko. so we left “Uncle Dave” and went to 2 parties on my street, did the party thing and drank a shit ton, walked there and back with our arms around each other. like i said… he makes me happy. i’m happier spending time with him than i am almost ever. it scares me because i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing or what the fuck he’s doing but i just need it right now. if i have to go through again what i went through the first time i broke up with him, i am probably never going to date anyone else ever, but we'll have to see i guess. also it doesn’t help that out of all of the weiners i have experienced, this one is THE BEST ONE EVER. i’m like pussywhipped… but the girl version. dickwhipped? sounds like a felony charge.
either way, karma is a stupid cunt. i know i’m going to learn something from this. i just don’t know yet if it’s going to be “how to respect yourself, ask for what you want in relationships, and NOT settle for ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE! YoU'rE bEaUtIfUl!!1!” or “how to stretch one can of cat food over an entire week because you’re too depressed to put on pants and go to publix to buy more for Hypothetical Cat Vlad so your only ally in life doesn’t die of starvation in your smelly, unshowered arms”.
whatever. i loved yesterday and it loved me too, god damn it. i’m going to go listen to broken social scene, nitpick small details of text messages between me and j, give myself an ulcer/heart attack, and not eat for 2 weeks because i bought my halloween costume today and it’s this (the black one- natch): http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41SpcPxIm1L.jpg
yikes. writing this has made me REALLY sad about my standards for an “amazing” weekend.
maybe on the next awesome weekend i'll get hit by a train,
c <3
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