i go to the barn because i like the

decent weekend.
friday night: angry drinking and pretending to be single until j called and i realized that i had literally nothing to be mad at him about. why do i do that? tried to go to a party, upon arrival realized that the "party" was like 15 trashed scene kids with small pants and ironic tattoos, minus beer. OH wait, there was also a bad. of like 7 trashed scene kids with small pants, ironic tattoos, and voices similar to marge simpson during allergy season. =fucking kill me. so we left, went back to his place (eh? ehhh? elbow nudge) and then passed out. disappointing but i'm not complaining.

NOW i am complaining: saturday was a food festival that i'd been looking forward to FOREVER and we agreed to go. j still hasn't met my mom, and she was going to be there and i thought it would be basically the easiest way for me to introduce them: midday, food everywhere, beer even more everywhere. instead, he and his stoner friends got blazed OUT OF THEIR MINDS and were an hour and half late picking me up. i had even told him that my mom would be there... hint. she's awesome and not even scary so this really pissed me off. i like my mom a lot and i like him a lot, so i want them to at least have the opportunity to like each other. but clearly when he's powersmoked for like 2 hours i'm not going to drag him up to my mom looking homeless and be like "REMEMBER THE GUY I'VE BEEN CRYING/SMILING/OBSESSING OVER SINCE MARCH? WELP, HERE HE IS! sure, he's wearing a tank top and mostly staring at the ground, but don't let that affect your opinion or anything."

ugh. frustrating to say the least. needless to say i planned an evening that didn't include him f
or saturday. i was still kind of put off by the fact that he didn't ask what i was doing/ tell me what he was doing. (of COURSE i knew via stalkbook that one of his close friends was having a bday party and that's where he would be. but he didn't know that i knew that! i hope. god i'm creepy.) so naturally i did what any relationship-retarded 20 year old would do and drunkenly smiled at everything with a pulse at the bars, gave my number to a deliciously attractive grizzly bear-esque bartender, and replied in the flirtatiously shocked negative when a particularly forward gentleman inquired "ay, you got a boyfriend that lets you go out like this?"

sent pathetic text message. "you havins a good nigh?"

called when he didn't not respond within the 10 minute acceptable text-me-back window. he is at party. does not know when he will be leaving. will call me if it's not too late.

launched into self-destructive tailspin involving liquor and beer IN THE SAME BEVERAGE: it's called loaded corona, a corona with a shot of lemon rum instead of a lime. holy shit dangerous.

woke up flat on my back, in bed, fully clothed in fancy top, skinny jeans and stilettos. 6 new text messages. 0 are from j. 2 are from grizzlytender. yum. stripped, fell in lump back into bed and sent plea for "gatorade, pepto and a cheese stick" to fb, which he proceeded to LIKE without bringing me ANY OF THE ABOVE ITEMS. you live 45 seconds away! help a fucking sister out! like that's shit that i would do without even a suggestion. it's because i'm nice, and i like doing things to make other people happy. i think at this point he's just too stoned and lazy to be the person that i liked so much last semester. definitely falls into the huge unfortunate whomp category. because i still do like him, clearly. but i don't want to date THAT guy, who is irresponsible and honestly kind of selfish.

jesus i need to go to bed. 2 tests and a lab report due tuesday, 1 test wednesday, project due in a week- and of course all i did today was fbstalk and write this crazy bitchy rambling post. yet another huge unfortunate whomp.

yours in "relationship" limbo (or maybe just hell),
-c